No time to say goodbye
by 100FACES
Summary: Alex meets a little girl named Bethany who finds out who she is. They have strange connection, that neither of them know aboutWill this girl be the key to Alex reclaiming her life?Alex sneeks away to NYC without telling WPP, will WPP find out?AO frendship
1. Bethany

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of SVU and I never will, they belong to

Dick Wolf

Alexandra Cabot stared out her window at the people who passed by. The man who had

shot her had been prosecuted, she was supposed to be safe but she was still in witness

protection. It was thought that maybe her shooter's goons could still be a threat to her, of

course no one knew how many people Alex's shooter had had working for him so she

would probably never be able to return to NYC.

She ran her fingers through her now brown hair, and thought back to her days, has a

powerful and blonde ADA.

Every day she wondered if she could sneak away for one last visit to NYC, so she could

see the people she loved most again. But she had reason to believe that witness protection

would somehow find out, well at least that was what she told herself, really she was

afraid of the reaction of her friends

Last time she'd seen them, she had only returned to help prosecute her shooter, then she

had been forced back into witness protection with no time to say good-bye. She knew she

had to get out of witness protection or else she'd go insane, but with each passing day her

hope of ever seeing her friends again would slim down.

She saw a young girl walk up to her door and ring the bell, the girl was young maybe 11

with long brown hair and green eyes and pale skin. She was holding a brown package and

kept on looking behind her nervously.

Alex slowly got up and walked towards the door. She turned the handle and opened the

door, "May I help you little girl?" she asked bending down slightly to get at the same

eyelevel has the little girl.

"Mother and I just moved to the house across the street and I was sent over here to say

hello and give you this." She said and held out the brown package to Alex, she bent her

head down the mumbled, "It's a pie."

"Thank you so much, hey I have an idea why don't you and your mother come over and

maybe we can eat this together?" Alex offered, she figured maybe she could get her mind

of witness protection for a little while anyways.

"Um no thanks, mother is very busy right now, unpacking um you know…busy." The

little girl said nervously.

"Ok then. Come see me if you ever have some time why don't you? I only just moved

here a month ago myself, it would be great if I could get to know the neighbors."

"Ok I guess that would be alright. Um by the way what's you're name?" The little girl asked.

"Emily and what's yours?" Alex lied automatically

"Bethany."

"Alright then Bethany how old are you? Eleven maybe?"

"Um actually I'm twelve almost thirteen." Bethany replied, a slight hint of venom in her

voice.

"Oh sorry…" Alex said somewhat embarrassed.

"It's ok, I guess I am kinda small for my age." Bethany replied apologetically.

Bethany turned and waved good-bye then ran back to her house.

Bethany lay in her new pink bed, she hated pink but it was all her mother could afford to

buy. She thought about her neighbor, Emily and she had the strangest feeling that they'd

meet before. Emily had said that she had just moved here, maybe she had moved from

New York City too, Bethany thought, well she would ask her the next time she visited

her.

Bethany was smart though, so she decided she'd do some research and see if there was

something more to Emily. First she decided to check the NYC newspapers, just to make

sure Emily wasn't some crazy murderer on the run from the cops.

She had been looking through her mother's collection of old newspapers for about a half

hour before she found it, a picture of Emily from a while back; only it said that her name

was Alexandra Cabot and that she was killed. It couldn't possibly be Emily but she

decided anyways to visit Emily tomorrow just to make sure.

She didn't know why but she had a feeling that maybe she and Emily had something that

connected them and she wouldn't stop searching for _it_ until she found out what _it_ was.


	2. Escape plan

Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of the characters, they belong to Dick wolf.

Bethany woke up at 6:00am with the sun shining on her face. She got out of bed and went to her kitchen to grab some breakfast. She figured that before asked Emily weather or not she was dead she'd do some research on this "Alex Cabot".

She grabbed a spoon and tub of ice cream from the freezer and began to eat. She had never been a healthy eater so this was a normal breakfast for her. She slipped on a pair of slippers and shuffled over towards her computer.

Bethany went to the NYC newspaper web site and ran a search on "Alexandra Cabot". The same article she'd seen in her mother's collection of old newspapers turned up along other ones.

She read a bit of one about a rape, it was mostly saying how some lady had been attacked and raped in her bedroom. The suspect in question had been prosecuted by Alexandra Cabot and sentenced to 15-life.

So she had been an ADA, Bethany thought has she stared at the words on her computer screen. She went back to the first article; it said she had been shot in the shoulder. Bethany found it odd that this type of wound would kill someone; she was starting to think more and more that somehow Emily and Alexandra Cabot were one in the same.

Alex lay in her bed trying to fall back asleep. She'd woke up at 5:00am and it was now 7:00am, she would wake up early every morning but wouldn't get out of bed until 11:00am. She supposed she woke up early because in her days has an attorney she was never aloud the joy of sleeping in.

Still today she couldn't help but feel has if something was about to happen. It was a Saturday and usually on Saturdays someone from witness protection would come to check in on her. A thought came to her, if she left for a quick visit to NYC after the witness protection guy left she'd have around 5 days before she was found out.

She'd gone through this plan in her head a million times every day, but she knew it wasn't safe. She decided to get out of bed and make some coffee and try to clear her mind, has she was still half asleep.

"Ouch!" she said rubbing her head has she had just smashed it on the low wall above her head; she always seemed to forget just that the ceiling sloped down low.

After grabbing a cup of coffee and getting dressed, she sat down by her window and waited for the guy from witness protection to come and check up on her. She noticed a light was on in the house across the street, she figured that they must be early risers like her.

At around 11:30am a car pulled up onto her drive way. The guy from witness protection walked out and rang the doorbell. Alex hurriedly opened the door and let him in. For the next 2 hours he went over every (have you been followed? ect.)

Alex was relieved when he finally left, she was always nervous when he came because once he had thought that her neighbor was spying on her and had her immediately moved to a new town.

About ten minutes after he had left Alex saw Bethany run up her driveway and ring the doorbell.

"Hi Bethany, what can I do for you today?"

"Emily, this will sound weird but um do you have an identical twin called Alexandra Cabot who died from being shot in the shoulder? 'Cause um you know I saw her picture in an old NYC newspaper, and it looked suspiciously like you. Weird isn't it?"

"W-what? What did you say?" Alex asked astonished at what had just come out of the little girls mouth, "I mean of course not, where'd you get that idea?"

Alex leaned against a wall she had never been told what to do if your 12 almost thirteen-year-old neighbor found out who you really were.

"Emily you really are this Cabot person aren't you? It's ok, it's not like I'm gonna tell anyone. But please it's important for me to know the truth, I don't know why it just is." Bethany explained.

"Come in, and lets have a chat." Alex said ushering Bethany in the door.

They sat down opposite each other around the kitchen table.

"It's very important that you tell no one what I'm about to say ok Bethany?" Alex asked staring the little girl straight in the eyes.

"Ok."

Alex ran her fingers through her hair, she had imagined having this talk with her boy friend not a little girl whom she'd only just meet yesterday.

"Alexandra Cabot is dead. I once was her I admit but I'm not anymore. The man who shot Alexandra Cabot did in a way succeed in killing her. You see he took away my life and everything in it except my body." Alex explained, still staring the girl straight in the eyes. "I was put into witness protection, with a new name and was giving a new life. At first I had hope of returning to my old life and friends because I thought that the man who shot me would eventually be caught and I could reclaim my life. But I was wrong for one day he was caught, but shortly after I was still put back into witness protection. You see he worked in the drug business and had many people working for him, we don't know every single one of them, but there all I danger to me, so I will probably never return to my old life."

"I'm sorry." Bethany said after Alex had finished her story. "Why don't you just sneak away for a quick visit to NYC, it couldn't do any harm."

"I'm more of a prisoner of witness protection than anything, it's hard to escape and I'd get in a lot of trouble if they found out."

"You can say that you went with me and my mother to my cottage, then if they come to check up on you there my mother or I can say you went out for a walk."

"Maybe." Alex said staring at Bethany in the eyes, for a second she thought she saw Olivia staring back at her but she quickly cast the image away. Olivia had been her best friend and her memory made her want to cry. "How close is your cottage to NYC, because I probably would have to sleep there, but before you answer that tell me why you're helping me."

"I feel has if your someone I once knew, it seems strange but I have to help you. And my cottage is about a mile from NYC so yeah…" Bethany replied.

"Ok well that's an offer I can't refuse." Alex said smiling.

_OK tell me what you think, reviews are greatly appreciated!_


	3. Free

Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or any of the characters, they belong to Dick Wolf.

Alex watched Bethany leave and run to her house, to go talk to her mother. She wondered weather or not Bethany's parents were divorced or if her father had died, because Bethany hadn't mentioned anything about him.

This whole plan was crazy, and Alex still questioned why Bethany was helping her, she couldn't help but feel nervous and anxious for Bethany's return.

About 15 minutes later Bethany came running back up the drive and rang the doorbell.

"So." Alex said.

"I told mother that it would be nice to bring someone to the cottage with us, and so she was all like yeah we always bring close friends with us though and we don't have many around here so lets invite Emily." Bethany said quickly.

"Great but um…"

"Oh and I'll pretend to go with you to the museum so you can like escape to NYC for a while you know?" Bethany explained.

"Thank you so much, you have no idea how happy and nervous I am for that matter." Alex said smiling. "Bethany I don't want to bring up any touchy issues but I was wondering, I mean I've noticed you haven't mentioned your dad."

"Father's name was Derek Kalishimo, he got in a car accident when I was a baby so I never met him." Bethany explained.

"W-w-what? Derek kalishimo did you say?" Alex asked astonished.

"Yes why?" Bethany responded.

"I dated some one by the same name for 4 years in university, we would have gotten married but he had work to do else where and I couldn't move, I always wondered what had happened to him…" Alex's mind wandered off remembering him.

"O you knew him? Wow." Bethany said under her breath.

"Bethany how exactly did you figure out who I really am?" Alex asked.

"When I was nine someone I trusted tried to shoot me, later we found out that they were an infamous murderer, I guess I became kinda paranoid and started running background checks on every new person I met."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that." Alex replied.

"Um anyways you better pack, were leaving at 4:00pm 'K?"

"Y-yeah ok, um I'm gonna call witness protection what did you say was the address of your cottage?"

The drive to the cottage was rather dull Bethany's mother (ms.May) rarely spoke. It was pouring rain outside and note exactly ideal weather for a vocation.

Alex slept in the guest bedroom of the cottage. The cottage was a small wooden building located beside a giant pond, it felt odd to look her window and see NYC in the distance. Alex had never been very religious, but she couldn't help but wonder if Bethany had been sent to help her, to give her one last chance to say good-bye.

Alex walked through the streets of NYC everything seemed so familiar. She feared that she would cry when she saw her friends. She knew that she couldn't risk going to the precinct, incase someone told witness protection that they saw her, so instead she decided to go to the bar that they would go to after a tuff days work and see if they were there.

Bethany had gone to visit a friend and give Alex so time to see everyone.

Alex walked into the bar, no one she knew was there, but she decided that she'd have a drink anyways. She had been sitting there for about 15 minutes and then she heard Elliot's voice behind her.

"C'mon 'Liv it was a tuff case, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, we still won after all." Elliot said his voice coming closer to Alex.

"Yeah well anyways Elliot, I say you stop trying to comfort Olivia and buy us all a drink." Munch's voice said.

Out of the corner of her eye Alex saw Olivia, Fin, Munch and Elliot sit down a couple seats away.

"W-what the, _Alex_?" came Olivia's voice.

Alex her head in time to see, the astonished face of her friends staring at her. "Hi." She said feebly.

"Were you let out of witness protection?"

_ok that's it for now, please review and tell me what you think._


	4. The lie

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em they belong to Dick wolf.

Bethany talked with her friend about the past few days, she tried to talk about alex and not mentioning anything about WPP, the only thing she could really say though, was that she felt has if they'd met before.

"Well Bethy it's possible that because of your epilepsy, you forgot where you and Emily had met." Bethany's friend Tabitha suggested.

"Yeah well you have a point I mean I was only diagnosed last year but that doesn't mean that was when it started. Err I mean my epileptic attacks have caused me to forget a lot."

"Bethany, tell me if you feel uncomfortable with what I'm saying 'K? But um anyways d'you remember when that dude tried to shoot you?"

"Of course I remember, well most of it but I was only nine at the time."

"What happened, I mean I remember you telling me about the woman who saved you, but uh…" Tabitha said struggling for words, they had never talked to much about bethany's near fetal experience and Tabitha didn't want to make her feel unconfortable.

"Tab' you may be on to something, the woman who saved me had blonde hair and blue eyes, that's about all I remember about her though…"

Flash back… 

_A small and frightened nine-year-old girl looked into the eyes of someone she had once thought was a friend. He stood above her with a gun smiling, "I love it when there scared it's so exciting." The man said. "Tsk, tsk, you're such a cute little thing, but truth be told we have enough of you in our world. Shhh don't cry, just close your eyes it will all be over in a minute."_

"_Hunh? Why are-are you doing this?" Bethany said tears streaming down her face._

_Bethany heard the gun click and scrambled out of the way, desperately trying to avoid the bullets. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw someone else, a female._

"_What's going on, I heard screams? Uh o my god!" a female voice said._

_The man turned towards the female, "No witness's." he said aiming the gun at her._

That was all Bethany could remember, the only thing she knew was that the woman somehow managed to save her, and the next day when the woman cam to visit her she had made a promise, "_I promise to repay you for savin' my life someday miss, when I'm older dat is."_

Was this woman who had saved her, possibly Alex, it sounded crazy, but Bethany knew when she saw Alex next she'd have to ask her.

"Bethy, I know were kind'o jumping around a lot of touchy topics today but I was wondering how your mum was doing." Tabitha asked, she decided to stop talking about Bethany's brush with death, the whole idea really made Tabitha feel uncomfortable.

"Not to good, Tab' listen you're my best friend and the only one who can know about mother's x-boy friend ok?"

"Of course."

"Well he had been abusin' her, I supposed that's why we moved away, but mothers not doing to good no-more. I mean she's been acting all funny lately, I think that the reason she wanted my neighbor to come wit' us was so she'd have some female-adult company wit' her to keep her from going insane."

"I'm sorry, I guess I never realized how bad your mum was doing… I'm sure it's hard on you."

"Yeah, I declined an invitation for me and my mother to have pie wit' my neighbor 'cause I was afraid, my mother might act, well y'know."

"Yeah." Tabitha replied, but truthfully she had no idea how Bethany felt.

Bethany didn't really pay much attention to the conversation she and Tabitha were having. Bethany's mind still lingered on Alex wondering weather or not Alex could have been her savior. It would explain why she felt as if she owed Alex something.

XXXXXXX

Alex didn't know exactly what to do, "Yes… yes witness protection let me go, they uh said there wasn't any threat left for me…" she managed to lie, she felt bad about lying to her friends, but she knew it wasn't safe to tell them the truth.

Munch looked somewhat skeptical, as if he didn't really believe Alex's story. Well knowing him he probably didn't, Alex thought, but hopefully he wouldn't do anything to blow her cover.

"Hey this is great… I-I'm so happy Alex." Olivia managed to say, she looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she was still smiling. "S-so um what's your first project now that you're back on the streets of New York City? I-I mean are you gonna go back to being a lawyer?"

Alex tried to smile, "Maybe but I was just thinking of celebrating my freedom for the next day or saw before I uh start thinking about my job."

"Depends on what you mean by freedom." Munch pointed out.

"What are you gunna turned this into another one of your conspiracy theories Munch?" Fin asked darkly.

"Hey, hey lets just all have a celebration ok, no fighting, after all Alex has returned so I'd think that having a few drinks would be appropriate." Elliot said with a smile.

At first Alex was nervous but after a few drinks, she'd forgotten about her worries. This was what she had missed so much about he old life, spending happy times with her friends.

"So uh Olivia I heard you and Elliot talking about a case before you came in, care on filling me in?" Alex asked, trying to make conversation.

"A little girl came into the precinct saying that her mommy was hurt." Olivia began, "We later found out that her father had been not only beating her mom, but also sexually abusing her and her sister. To top it off he ended up killing the mother by chopping of her head. He hung her head to pole and put a sign beside saying 'this is what happens to women who don't obey me.'" Olivia ran her hand through her hair and swallowed hard before looking again at Alex. "Still it doesn't seem like enough to just send the guy to jail, I mean what about the two little girls, what do they get for going through this horrible ordeal?"

"That's horrible, h-how did ms. Novak deal with it?" Alex asked, she didn't have anything against Casey, but she couldn't help but feel somewhat jealous of Casey and secretly wanted Casey to not do as good of has she might have done.

"She did fine, I mean she won the case."

Munch who had been listening in on the conversation narrowed his eyes slightly, realizing that Alex was obviously jealous.

XXXXXXX

Fin and Munch were the first to leave, claiming that they had a lot of paper work to do. Elliot left shortly after them saying it was getting late.

Realizing that they were the only two left in the bar Olivia and Alex decided they should probably be heading out.

"Why don't you stop by the precinct tomorrow, I'm sure the Capt. would like to see you." Olivia offered.

"Um I don't think I can deal with being in the precinct again just yet maybe another time though." Alex said, realizing that she wouldn't be able to visit the Capt. without being caught. It hit her how dangerous, visiting NYC was. She'd be in a lot of trouble if witness protection ever found out.

"Ok that's fine, Alex I really am happy that you've been let out of witness protection." Olivia said smiling.

Alex was pained by Olivia's words, knowing that soon enough Olivia would have to learn the truth, but she smiled anyways so Olivia wouldn't be suspicious.

XXXXXXXX

A/N: k tell me what you think, reviews are welcome, I also like to get constructive criticism (has long as it's actually constructive) so don't feel shy to tell me what you think.

_Do you guys think WPP should find out 'bout alex if so what should happen to her? I already have an idea, but if any of you guys come up wit a better one, I may use it._


	5. Forever never last

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters they belong to dick wolf, except the ones I make up.

Alex picked Bethany up from Tabitha's house and they took a cab back to Bethany's cottage.

"Alex what color is your hair naturally?"

"Blonde, why do you ask?"

Bethany was silent for a moment before responding, "I've told you before that when I was nine a man tried to kill me. However I never told you how I escaped."

"Um ok uh…"

"I'm not totally sure of all the events, of that day however what I do know is a woman, very much like you saved me."

Alex closed her eyes, remembering a day almost 5 years ago, it seemed crazy but she wondered if what Bethany was recounting, and what she was remembering were indeed the same event.

Flash back… Alex heard a child's screams, coming from inside a warehouse, she quickly ran towards them fearing for the worst. 

"_What's going on, I heard screams? Uh o my god!" Alex cried upon seeing a horrible seen_

A man was trying to shot a little girl; there was a smile on his face. 

"_No witness's." he said aiming the gun at Alex._

_She quickly ducked has a bullet came streaming towards her, and then ran towards the little girl. The girl appeared to have just fainted, her brown hair stuck to her tear-stained face._

_The man turned around in time to see Alex grab the girl, "Come on now, pretty lady, if you let go of the girl I'll let you go, alive."_

_Alex made a desperate run for the door, but the girl was slowing her down._

"_Oh come on, lets not be silly, I have a gun, I call the shots." The man yelled after her, before firing 4 more bullets. One bullet almost hit Alex, only missing her by a centimeter._

_She reached the door at last, and managed to get it open. Alex ran towards the road and flagged down a car. The woman driving the car saw the little girl and immediately drove them to the police station._

_The next day Alex visited the little girl at the hospital. The girl had been taken there because she had a concussion._

"_The nurse said you're the one who saved me."_

_Alex smiled and nodded her head._

_The little girls cheeks turned red, "I may be young but I know that not many people in today's world would do that. Thanks."_

"_You-you're welcome."_

"_I promise to repay you for savin' my life someday miss, when I'm older dat is."_

"Uh hello Alex, you in there?"

"Yeah s-sorry, um anyways go on."

"I remember telling her afterwards, _I promise to repay you for savin' my life someday miss, when I'm older dat is."_

Alex couldn't believe it, but what Bethany had just said had confirmed it, Bethany and the little girl that she had saved, were one in the same.

"You and the woman who saved me are one in the same, aren't you?" Bethany swallowed hard before continuing, "I can tell by the expression on your face, I guess now I know why I have to help you, I always stay true to my promises, and I promised to repay you when I was older, now I am."

Alex smiled, "You already have. You have no idea, how happy it makes me to be able to visit New York City and see my friends again."

Alex closed her eyes and pictured her friends and her at the bar. For a second it was like she had never left, like she had never been shot. She inhaled deeply, she knew that soon enough she'd have to say goodbye again, and this time for good. Despite how hard she tried it wouldn't last forever, because nothing did, she learned that when she was shot.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day Olivia came to the precinct early, thinking she'd be the only one there, she got ready to do some paper work.

She was slightly surprised to see Casey talking to Cragen.

"Olivia, perfect you're here early, you've got some paper work to do." Cragen pointed out upon seeing her. Olivia wondered weather or not he'd heard about Alex yet.

"Hey have you head about Al-" Olivia was cut short,

"Sorry Olivia but I'm in a rush, I have a meeting to attend in 15 minutes." He said before hurrying out the door.

Casey gave Olivia a questioning look, "What were you about to say to the captain?" she asked.

"Oh uh nothing." Olivia said, deciding it was best not to tell Casey about Alex's return. She and Casey had become friends in their time in SVU together and she didn't want Casey to feel uncomfortable.

"Very well." She mumbled before heading to her office.

Olivia sighed; she knew Casey would feel jealous if she had told her about Alex.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Alex called Elliot's number after trying Olivia's, to no prevail.

"He-lo? New York City special victims unit, detective Stabler."

"Hi its Alex."

"Oh hi Alex."

"Do you guys have a busy day today?" Alex asked.

"Uh actually, it's a record, NYC hasn't had a rape in 24 hours." Elliot replied jokingly.

"You mean no ones reported one."

"Ok so what's up?"

"Uh…" Alex wasn't sure what she wanted to do, they had already celebrated her return so what now?

"Hey why don't you come out to dinner with me and the others from the precinct were planning on having a little get-together, so what say you?"

"Uh well…"

"Cragen, Huang and Casey, Olivia, Fin and Munch will all be there." Elliot explained.

"O-ok that sounds great." Alex said, trying to keep her voice level, she was nervous about seeing Cragen and Huang incase they figured out her little scheme. She ran her hand through her hair, even if she was caught tonight, she knew it was still worth it."

_A/N: Please read and review, I love to get reviews and constructive criticism, so don't feel shy!_


	6. Ants

Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or any of the characters, they belong to Dick Wolf, I only own the ones I make up.

Alex ran a hand through her brown hair. What she was doing was dangerous and stupid, it was bad enough that she had come to new York city, now she was going to have dinner with Cragen, Huang, her friends and the woman who had replaced her. Huang would definitely figure out the truth and Cragen would follow his lead.

Her thoughts shifted to Munch, she knew he had figured it out, after all he always seemed to pick up this things, only he wouldn't tell. She couldn't say the same for the Huang and Cragen though.

Alex glanced at Bethany's mother, May who was looking dreamily out the window. Alex wondered what was going on in May's head; she had a sad look in her gray eyes and has always was silent. May was very different from her daughter. Bethany was a very intelligent and strong willed girl, with piercing dark green eyes and long flowing brown hair. She was skinny and small for her age, but Alex figured she made up for it with her intelligence, and personality and after all she had time to grow.

May on the other hand a skinny and fragile woman, her gray eyes seemed to echo a certain sadness that was inside of her and her short blonde hair appeared messy. She was quiet and didn't walk with the same self assured walk has her daughter.

Bethany entered the room has she walked by her mother Alex noticed her eyes momentarily flash with hatred. She noticed Alex and gave a small smile before continuing on her way. Alex noticed how much Bethany seemed to resemble her father Derek whom she had dated for many years. Derek had those same perfect and symmetrical green eyes as his daughter, and his brown long brown hair had also been the same color as Bethany's.

Derek had always been careful to hide his hatred, _"It's best not to get anyone hating you back, I've found over the years that having people have this funny way of screwing over those they hate." He laughed after he finished. _Alex remembered what Derek had said and thinking about the hatred in Bethany's eyes has she passed her mother and how well she concealed it Alex wondered weather she had learned to do so from her father.

Derek…I loved him, Alex thought, she had always wondered what had become of him I

She still found it odd to think he was dead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Munch and Fin were doing paperwork, at they're desk.

"So what do you think of Alex coming back from witness protection?" Munch asked Fin, wondering weather or not Fin shared the same suspicions as him.

"I dunno, it all seems a little fishy to me."

"I have a feeling Alex isn't telling us the truth."

"You think she's still under witness protection then?"

"Yeah I think she somehow must have manage to come here for a visit, but I don't know how she tricked witness protection." Munch said.

"Alex the ADA didn't strike me as a liar, but anyways I heard that Alex is coming to diner with us and tha others t'night." Fin commented.

"Yeah I see where you're going, Huang and Cragen will definitely be able to tell if she lying or not."

"Exactly, meaning soon enough well learn the truth."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex paced around the guest room nervously anticipating the dinner. How could she have been so stupid? Huang would figure her out, and soon witness protection would have her moved again, they probably wouldn't let her have any human contact after this.

"Hello" came a voice interrupting Alex's train of thought.

"Oh hi Bethany."

"Are you ok you look kind of ill."

"Yes I'm fine just nervous for tonight."

Bethany smiled, "Oh yeah…"

"It's strange, before my shooting, I would have never done anything this stupid, if witness protection finds out about this than I'm in trouble and…if my friends find out I was lying I…" Alex trailed off, thinking of Olivia, what would she say if after thinking Alex had returned then finding out it was a lie? Alex knew Olivia would find out sooner or later but she didn't want to be around when she did.

"It will be fine and if you're worried about you're friends feelin' hurt then don't be, you're friends will miss you when you're gone, they wont really have time to be mad or anything."

"I hope you're right."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia smiled thinking of the diner, it would be nice be have the entire precinct with her. Her colleagues were like family to her, and although Alex had left long ago, she was still part of that family and it wouldn't be the same without her.

But Alex was also her best friend and she missed her so much, it made her really happy that she had returned, and for good, she didn't know if she could handle loosing her again.

In all her happiness for seeing Alex again it had never occurred to Olivia that Alex could be lying, never would Alex the ADA and her best friend lie to her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex decided she need to catch some sleep so she set her alarm to wake her up in an hour.

_Dream:_

_Alex hovered over Olivia who along with a crowd of her other close friends were watching something intently._

_Alex squeezed past Olivia to try and get a better look; she was terrified at what she saw. She Alexandra Cabot was being lowered in a casket into the ground. Her blue eyes stared blankly up towards the heavens, why wasn't her casket closed?_

"_What's going on, who is she, Olivia, Olivia?" Alex asked trying to shake Olivia, but she wouldn't budge, it was as if she didn't even realize that Alex was right there. Olivia's eyes remained focused on the body being lowered into the ground._

_Alex gave up and turned her attention back to the body being lowered into the ground, I'm a ghost she thought, I'm dead that really is me._

_Ants were crawling out of her body's nose and mouth, and slowly before her eyes her body began to decay until there was nothing left but bones._

_Olivia turned and looked in the direction of Alex, only she seemed to be looking right through Alex. _

"_This time Alex really is dead." Olivia said softly._

Alex awoke with a start to the sound of her alarm clock bipping, her body was drenched with sweat. Olivia's last words in her dream and the image of ants crawling out of her nose and mouth has her body decay still lingered in her mind.

Tears spilled from her eyes, she tried to stop herself from crying but she couldn't.

Bethany walked into the room upon hearing Alex's sobs. "Alex what's wrong?" She sat down beside Alex and rapped her arms around her, "It's ok, it's ok." She said trying to sound comforting.

Alex found it oddly reassuring to have the little girl there comforting her, "I'm s-sorry I d-don't mean to cry in front of you."

"It's ok, sometimes you just can't hold back the river."

Authors note: OK tell me what you think and please review, and feel free to give me any constructive criticism. Reviews are greatly appreciated; so don't feel shy to tell me what you think.


	7. Shadow of the Past

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except the ones i make up, law and order SVU and all of it's characters belong to Dick Wolf.

Alex called a taxi to come pick her up and bring her to the restaurant. As she was waiting she took one final look in the mirror. It wasn't supposed to be a formal diner, just a nice get-together. She wore her brown hair down, she wondered if Huang and Cragen would recognize her with out her blonde hair, but then again Elliot had when they were in the bar, she reasoned with herself.

Bethany and her mother both sat alone in separate rooms, they never really talked and Alex wondered how good their relationship was. Bethany was careful about letting it known that she disliked her mother, she only gave subtle hints like calling her mother, mother instead of mom or mommy.

Suddenly Alex heard a car horn and looking outside she saw the taxi had arrived.

"Where to miss?" the cab driver questioned.

Alex told him the name of the restaurant and the street it was on, and then they were on they're way.

Alex disliked taxis, and she couldn't help but notice this one had a strange smell. The seats were black and the one beside her had a tare in it.

Alex stared out her window at New York City, memories around every corner, but soon she'd have to say good-bye again. Would it be worth it if witness protection found out about her trip to New York City? She'd definitely be moved again, but she feared that wouldn't be the worst part.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Alex arrived everyone was already seated around a table, it was simple with a white cloth, cutlery, plates and menus.

"Alex." Cragen said, "Elliot told me witness protection had let you go, why wasn't I the first to know?" he said jokingly.

The way he spoke it was as if he didn't realize the truth, then again maybe he didn't. Huang was seated between Casey and Olivia, his eyes narrowed slightly for a moment looking at Alex. Alex knew he had figured it out already, even so for the sake of all her friends she tried to act natural, as if nothing was wrong. Her attention shifted to Casey who was looking uncomfortable.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Casey looked nervously at Alex, she tried to look professional but she was too nervous. This was the woman she had replaced, although she had grown to be friends with her colleagues, she knew that they still loved Alex and missed her.

Tonight she came face to face with Alex, it was silly but she felt somewhat jealous of Alex who seemed to have everyone's attention.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After they had gotten their food, Munch was discussing his newest conspiracy theory but Alex wasn't really listening though, because her mind lay somewhere else. If witness protection caught her she knew it would be worth it.

Everyone seemed to be talking except for Alex and Casey. Alex tried to think of something to spark some conversation between them, but nothing came to mind that wouldn't be awkward.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By the end of the night everyone except for Huang, Alex and Casey seemed to be drunk. Fin and Munch were arguing over something but nobody knew exactly what that something was.

Casey left first out of anyone, not giving much of an explanation, just saying something about a busy day tomorrow. She almost started crying on the way home, feeling as if she wasn't as important to Alex.

Alex and Huang were the last ones there. "Alex why are you here?" Huang questioned.

"What do you mean?"

"You know perfectly well what I mean, I can tell that you're lying about witness protection letting you go. Did you honestly think I wouldn't be able to figure it out? If I didn't then I'd be pretty bad at what I do."

It was all over now, Huang had figured it out, now witness protection would find out and who knows what would happen to her then. "You-you don't understand what it's like, my whole life was taken away from me, Alex is legally dead, I am nothing but a shadow of the past." Alex spoke a little shakily.

Huang couldn't help but pity Alex, but what could he do, he'd have to tell witness protection about her, but she was still his friend, even after all these years.

"Listen Alex lets just say that I haven't figured it out yet, I-I this isn't professional of me but I'm not going to tell witness protection about you. They'll eventually figure it out by themselves anyways. However I have a good friend who's a psychiatrist, I want you to go a session with her, do you think you can do that?"

Alex had no idea what to say, this was totally unlike the Huang she had known. She held back a smile thinking of the way he had said 'good friend' he hide it well but Alex suspected this psychiatrist was a little more than just a good friend. "Ok I'll go to a session with her." Alex said after a moment of silence.

"Here I'll give you her business card, but I'll call her first to arrange everything." he said. "But untell then I have one simple request."

Alex was rather annoyed, because it was like Huang was talking to her like alittle girl. "Ok."

"Please stop talking about yourself like Alex is another person, it's not healthy,you're still Alex and although you may have a new name, you stillaren'tdead."

_No shes dead,Alex died a long time ago._ Alex thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later that night:

"Detective Olivia Benson, New York City special victims unit speaking."

"Hi Olivia it's Alex."

"Oh hi Alex."

"I was wondering if you have any free time this week, for an old friend."

"Well we haven't had many serious crimes in awhile and I haven't used any of my days off yet so yeah I think I could spare some time for an old friend."

"Of course you haven't used any of your days of, you're such a workaholic." Alex said jokingly.

_You used to be that way too, before you were put into witness protection,_ Olivia thought but decided against saying anything about witness protection. "It's getting late but um maybe tomorrow we should meet up."

"Yeah um wanna go uh…"

"Hey I have an idea why don't we go shopping?"

"_Olivia_ wants to go shopping?" Alex replied jokingly.

"Yeah well I could use I new wardrobe."

_Authors note: OK I know not that many exciting things happened in this chapter but please Review. Critasism is welcome as long has it's constructive critacism. Next chapter should be more exciting than this one._


	8. The Nature of a Prophecy

Disclaimer: I don't own the character of law and order SVU they belong to Dick Wolf. I do however own the characters that I make up.

That night Alex's sleep was filled with strange nightmares, she'd wake up every hour or so covered in sweat.

_Dream:_

_Alex was at the beach sitting alone on a cliff, staring out at the water. She was the only one there, behind her there were no roads just a great field stretching for miles, it all seemed so empty. The air smelled salty and she figured this must be an ocean._

_She walked out to the shore and put her feet in the water, she walked further out until it was deep enough for her to swim. She did breaststroke, and her cloths felt like seaweed around her._

_She stopped after she was far away from the shore, looking out at the distance she could see lights, almost like a city. She felt hair with her fingers and looking down she saw herself, not her reflection but her body, her blue eyes appeared glazed over has they looked up at the sky. The hair in her hands was blonde not brown. _

"_Alex really is dead." She spoke aloud, "I am Emily now. Good-bye Alex." She then proceeded to push 'Alex's' body deeper into the water mumbling good-bye as she did._

_Eventually she left 'Alex's' body there and swam back to shore. She then walked across the field for what seemed like years in the distance she saw a tiny black dot, as she walked further the dot began to appear larger and after awhile she could tell it was a person._

_After walking for a long time the person got closer until 'Emily' could tell it was Bethany._

"_What are you doing here Alex? You should be swimming."_

"_What do you mean Bethany?"_

"_Did you not see them? The lights across the water."_

"_I saw them, but what were they?" 'Emily' questioned._

"_You already no the answer. But no time for games now, you must return to them."_

"_I can't it took me so long to get here, I'm so tired, I can't walk back now, besides those lights were all the way across the lake, I can't swim that far."_

"_But don't you see you've already been there, you've already been amongst the lights."_

"_I can't it's far too late to go back now…" Alex tried to explain._

"_You must go to the lights if you wish to return to the life you once lived as your own person."_

"_But how?"_

"_I will help you that's why we met. Finally after all these years you're time on this field is up, now come walk with me and lets go back to the lights." Bethany smiled slightly and with her hand motioned 'Emily' to follow her._

Alex awoke with a start. It was strange she could remember her dream as if it had actually happened. It didn't seem like the other nightmares she had been having that night this one was different. Still she shook all over, something seemed to frighten her about her dream, and maybe it was seeing her body in the water. But not really her body she corrected herself, Alex's body.

She turned slightly so she could see her clock; it was 7:30 am. She could here the TV was on in the kitchen, it must be Bethany watching it, she thought, Bethany always watched cartoons early in the morning.

Bethany was in her dream, and for some reason Alex thought that she should tell Bethany about it.

Alex got out of bed and walked to the kitchen, Bethany looked away from the TV at Alex, "Some guy named Huang or something called on your cell phone last night."

"Okay my cell phone eh? And I take it you answered…"

"Yeah." Bethany said her gaze returning to the TV, "Um he said he uh gave you a number for someone, and uh…um yeah to call it."

"Uh…okay thanks." Alex said, she must mean the psychiatrist that Huang wanted me to see, Alex thought. "Bethany, this may sound uh weird but uh do you know anything about dreams?"

"Well a bit, dreams are supposed to have certain meanings, and every detail should be considered if you're trying to figure out what they're telling you."

"Do you think you might be able to tell me what this weird dream I had means?"

"Maybe uh first tell me about, and use every detail you can think of. But bare in mind I'm not exactly an expert on the subject…" Bethany replied, and turned off the TV.

Alex recounted her dream to the best of her ability, Bethany appeared to be listening but her eyes seemed clouded over.

"It's a prophecy… probably well that's the way it seems to me." Bethany said slowly.

"Then what does it mean? Are you sure?" Alex questioned.

"No I'm not certain but, as for what it means, well we wont know until it happens, that's the nature of a prophecy."

"Doesn't seem like any use then does, I mean if it's something bad then by the time it happens it will be too late…"

"You didn't see any bad omens in your dream so it should be fine, besides we still don't know if it means anything or not… I wouldn't think too much of it."

"Okay…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex called the psychiatrist that Huang had given her the number for. Her name was doctor Mishan.

"Hello uh doctor Huang gave me your number…"

"Ah you must be Emily Jones, yes he arrange it so we would have one session. You're in luck too because first session is free." Mishan said.

"G-great um so yes I'd like to make the arrangements for that."

"Well I'll list of the available times."

"Can we do this today?" Alex asked, immediately after saying this she felt foolish.

Mishan laughed, "That would be fine, I suppose you're eager to get this over with. However the only available time I have today is from 10-11, would that be suitable?"

"Yes, uh thank you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Only 5 minutes were left in the session with Mishan, the last 55 minutes Mishan had been asking Alex about her relationships and home life.

"So you say you've been having nightmares lately?" Mishan questioned. Mishan was a small woman with black hair and eyes; she appeared to be of European decent.

"Yes."

"Why don't you tell me about them?"

"Because their only dreams." Alex said sarcastically.

"You know that's not what I mean, I simply want to here about them."

"I keep on seeing my body, dead or decaying."

"I see, tell me do you have any explanation for this, why do you think you keep on dreaming of this?" Mishan questioned.

"Because they symbolize the person I once was who is now dead."

"The person you once were? Hmm tell me Emily, who do you like better the person you are now or the person you once were?"

"The person I used to be, she was powerful and on the top of her career, with many friends to turn to. The person who _died_. Look at me now, no career and my only friend is a twelve year old girl…"

"You speak of other friends that your old self had, tell me what became of them?"

"They live, and remember me but we can never spend time together because of certain issues." Alex said thinking of witness protection.

" 'Issues'? Tell me about them."

"I moved away a few years back, and started up a new life, my friends are unable to be a part of that life."

"Well our time is almost up. Let me just tell you what I think okay?"

"Uh sure…"

"First let me say everyone has something their hiding, it usually takes people a few sessions to fully open up. I know you're not telling me everything however from what I've learned I'll tell you what I think." Mishan explained. "You have been weakened by the cards that have been dealt out to you, there's no doubt about that. At the beginning of your career you were a generally happy person am I correct?" Mishan asked staring Alex straight in the eyes.

"Um I suppose yes…"

"Yet you may have quit or lost your job a friends for some reason."

"Yes." Alex said, ugh she's only recounting what I've already told her, Alex thought.

"The track you're going down isn't healthy, Emily, the old Emily I mean isn't dead, and she is alive and well. She had healthy relationships and has a good home life. Emily, you may have lost your friends and career but if you could have them once you can have them again, you must remember that." Mishan said, "Despite the fact that you may have lost them, that doesn't mean you cant get them back! I'm worried that the path you're going down will lead you to depression and I recommend that you get a therapist, I'm sure there are some near where you live. Do you think you can do that?"

"I'll try."

"Good well I think were done."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hi this is Alex."

"Oh great so when would you like to meet up?" Olivia questioned.

"Um well I was thinking we could meet up for lunch at this great Greek place I found around noon."

"Sure what's the name of the restaurant?"

Alex gave Olivia the name and street address, "And after that where were you thinking of going shopping?"

"There's this new mall that's just opening up, uh to be honest I'm not sure what it's called but I do know how to get there." Olivia said jokingly.

"Great."

Authors note: Okay please send in those reviews, and I like to get constructive criticism too so that's also welcome.

_Okay I'm not an expert on the psychiatry thing, so if anything was a little off in that part of this chapter then I'm sorry._

_And I know that Alex's dreams may seem strange but they do have meanings. Also the lights across the water mentioned in this chapter have no religious meaning, I showed this chapter to my cousin and she thought it meant heaven or something, which it doesn't. So don't send in any reviews asking me about that._


	9. It Will be Dangerous

Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of the characters. However I do own the ones I make up.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shopping…lunch…with Olivia, Alex thought has she got ready to meet up with Olivia. Would this be the day that Olivia found out the truth? Alex knew that Bethany and her mother wanted to return to their house soon and Alex didn't want to overstay her welcome. Therefore Alex had to make this day with Olivia worth it because it could be her last.

XXXXXXXX

Bethany was at Tabitha's house, the two friends were watching TV together. Bethany could hardly believe that they wouldn't be going to school together this year because they always had since kindergarten. What would the kids at her new school be like?

Bethany's thoughts shifted to Alex; over the time they'd spent together Bethany had learned to admire Alex. Truth be told it had frightened Bethany to see Alex sobbing, she had a picture of Alex in her head as the person who had saved her from a crazed murderer but now it seemed Alex was showing signs of depression.

Was bringing Alex for a visit to New York City a good idea after all? Or was she only doing more harm to an already fragile person?

"Tabitha."

"Huh? Yeah?"

"There is a person whom I admire who is feeling depressed right now… I want to help her but… it will be dangerous…"

"Hey why don't I help you? Well be able to help 'er together!"

"You don't understand… my plan is so stupid it could get me killed."

"Listen just tell me what it is, I ain't gonna tell no one."

"You have to promise never-ever to tell anyone what I'm about to tell you 'K?"

"_Promise._" Tabitha said with a slight hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Her name is Emily formally known as Alex, she used to be a DA and she was the one who saved me."

Tabitha didn't have to ask what Alex saved Bethany from, it was obvious this was the person who saved Bethany from certain death at the hands of a murderer. "Hmm… well if she's tha one who help you then we gotta help her right… I mean if it weren't for 'er I'd be short a best-friend!"

"A few years back she was shot, when she was working on a case that was involved with the drug industry or something… I read in this newspaper that some guy shot her from his car because he was hired by another guy who was mad that Alex was uh you know messing wit' the druggies…urgh sorry for horrid explanation…"

"It's okay 'cause I remember seeing that in tha newspaper… Alex Cabit or Cabot or something like that right?"

"Yeah!"

"But I thought that this Alex person died." Tabitha remarked.

"She went into witness protection."

"Ooh…" Tabitha said slowly, "But then what exactly do you want to do to uh _help _'er?"

"Well there's dis guy Velez or something, he's like a huge player in the drug business and he's really the one who hired the guy to kill Alex, so we gotta go undercover and frame him for another murder, I mean he must of killed somebody else by now right? Then Alex can reclaim her old life!"

"Uh well I was 'im I'd try to avoid that…"

"But you're not him! He thinks he can get away wit' it so he's must've killed somebody else by now… or he's planning to."

"Okay how do you plan to get 'im?"

"But Tabi' um I'd rather go myself… you can help wit' the plan but I don't wanna be the one who gets you killed."

"Listen… my mom wants me… is forcing me to become an artist like 'er… ha let's face it I ain't doing nothin' important with my life! I mean I like doing art… but you know… urgh basically I don't care 'bout dying and-and it's my choice!"

"Very well but remember to tell no one." Bethany said, she didn't want Tabitha to get hurt or killed but she wanted some kind of company.

"Yeah-yeah."

"You just want an adventure… but okay listen up Velez has got a bunch of big cruise ships… once they found blood in one of 'em… so what I'm saying is we sneak onto one of them and investigate."

"How exactly do you plan to get on one, I mean it's not like we're gonna get invited to one of Velez's parties."

"I dunno we sneak on well no ones looking I guess… but uh you know there's a party on one of 'em tonight at 8:00." Bethany explained.

Bethany was happy now at least she'd be able to try and do something to repay Alex. She like Tabitha loved a little adventure, know the two friends would get the adventure they craved but Bethany wondered at what cost.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alex and Olivia were eating outside because it was warm. A waitress came by to take their orders.

"What would you ladies like to drink?" The waitress asked with a phony smile on her face.

"Just water for me thanks." Olivia said.

"I'll have a glass of red wine uh Rebecca." Alex said looking at the waitress's nametag.

"So… do you have an apartment yet?

"No I haven't been having too much luck." Alex responded. It hurt for Alex to lie to Olivia, but they'd all find out soon enough… everyone at the precinct that is. Would Olivia be mad at her? Would Alex be left again with no time to say good-bye? Alex felt like braking down and crying again but for Olivia's sake she decided against it.

"Too bad, I suppose you're staying with a friend or relative then?"

"Yeah you could say that…" Alex said Olivia gave her quizzical look. "Never mind…"

Rebecca returned with the drinks, "Have you ladies decided what you'd like to eat yet?"

Alex looked at Olivia who nodded her head, "Just a ceaser salad for me thanks."

"Same here."

Olivia smiled, "If we we're both going to order ceaser salads we could of gone anywhere." She said jokingly.

"Yeah…"

Olivia began babbling on about everyone at the precinct and how no one had changed since Alex had left, but Alex wasn't listening. Her eyes spotted a car parked at the side of the road. Velez was sitting in the front seat watching her, as soon has he had saw she had noticed him the car drove away.

That wasn't Velez you're just imagining things, she told herself, focus on Olivia and what she's saying.

"Hey Alex-Alex are you there?"

"Y-yeah sorry."

Still if that was Velez she could be in trouble. Whatever, she thought, I have nothing left to live for anyways, besides he wont try anything just yet he'll plan it out for a day or so first by which time I'll already be gone, she reassured herself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Authors note: okay tell me what you think, and yeah please review and criticize if you want 'cause I'm always up for some constructive criticism.


	10. Once again she shall be Alexandra Cabot

Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or any of its characters… I only wish I did but they belong to Dick Wolf (The genius… sigh) . But I do own the characters I make up so yeah…

Velez…could it really have been him? The former ADA wondered has she and Olivia walked in silence.

"Hey Alex, you all right? You're being well pretty quiet."

"Y-yeah-yeah just you know thinking…"

"Okay… and are you gonna tell me what about?"

"No…no…but it really isn't too important…"

"Hmm okay… um yeah okay…"

They continued to walk in a awkward silence, of course it was important, Alex thought, seeing the man who was once out to kill you cant exactly be considered a good omen.

Eventually the two old friends reached the mall Olivia had been talking about. "This is it." Olivia said gesturing with her hand at the building. The mall was quite large; Alex smiled knowing that this would be a good way to end her visit to New York City.

"Great lets start shopping then shall we?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, race you to the doors." Olivia said with a wild smile.

Alex sighed, "You really don't do this much do you?" she asked, but raced Olivia anyways like she would race her friends has a small child.

Olivia easily beat her and by the time Alex did get to the doors she was wheezing, "I…. really should…g-get in shape…" she muttered.

"C'mon lets go, I want to be broke by the end of the day!" Olivia said still with the same wild grin on her face.

"You keep on surprising me detective. This is so… uncharacteristic of you…"

Olivia smiled then walked inside, Alex sighed then followed her. Olivia ran through shops like a small child, Alex followed her around feeling like her babysitter.

"C'mon Alex." Olivia said after a while, "This is still your first week of freedom, it won't do you any harm to have some fun and be a kid again now will it?"

"But…"

Olivia sighed, "No buts, c'mon I've already bought a jacket and you have barely looked at anything…"

But I'm not free, Alex thought, how can you be so blind to my lie? It was hurting Alex so much to lie to Olivia, but she promised herself that by the end of the day she'd tell Olivia the truth.

"C'mon they even have a roller costar in this mall, how about we have a ride?"

Alex smiled slightly, "Sure sounds…_fun_." She said. Truth be told she was usually too afraid to go on roller costars but, it was in a mall so how big could it be right? But when they got to the roller costar Alex realized just how wrong she was. The roller costar was huge; it seemed to stretch around the whole mall. Alex felt sick just looking at it. "This is your whole reason for coming to this mall isn't it?"

"No well for choosing this mall maybe, but I do want to go shopping…" Olivia said, but Alex could tell that something in her eyes appeared to be thinking if something else. They still remained unreadable of course; Alex would only be able to find out what Olivia was thinking about if she asked, but she wouldn't something told her now wasn't the time anyways.

"Right, well let's get in line then…" Alex said with a slight hint of dread in her voice.

Olivia smiled, "You're scared aren't you? C'mon I wont be so bad." Olivia said in a comforting voice.

"I'm scared…but I wont be okay…" Alex said but she wasn't thinking of the roller costar she was thinking of seeing Velez.

Olivia was silent; Alex could tell that she was still thinking about something. But she didn't even have time to ask Olivia what that something was because they had already reached the front of the line.

They both paid a small fee to get on, and then Olivia insisted that they sit in the front of the costar.

XXXXXXXXX

_Meanwhile:_

Bethany and Tabitha were at Tabitha's computer trying to find out who would be on Velez's cruise today but they had no luck.

"Well I don't think it will make a difference who's on the cruise thingy tonight so why don't we stop wasting time here and get going?" Tabitha asked.

"Okay-okay you're right lets go."

Tabitha quickly ran up to her mom to tell her that she and Bethany would be out for a while. They then proceeded to grab their coats and put their shoes on.

"BYE MOM!" Tabitha yelled as they walked out the door and into the cool air. Bethany shivered slightly, she wasn't cold but she was a little frightened. "Common we'll be fine." Tabitha said to her.

"Yeah-yeah I know…"

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex put the seat belt tight around her then an inspector came to make sure that everyone was safely sitting on the roller costar.

The roller costar began to move up hill, until they were has high as can be then it shot straight down. Behind her Alex could here the screams of delight coming from the other passengers. Olivia wasn't smiling her face seemed almost relaxed, she appeared to be the same old Olivia, Alex was somewhat relived it had surprised her to see the detective smiling earlier and se had thought that her last day in New York wouldn't really be with Olivia.

To the people down below the roller costar appeared to be nothing but a red streak, but Alex remained calm. Her mind thought about Velez, her heart wanted nothing to do with Velez, it wanted to forget about him, but her mind knew that she was in grave danger.

She turned slightly to look at Olivia, please forgive me for lying to you, Alex thought. It was then that something inside the former ADA that had been buried when she was shot resurfaced. Velez ruined my life, she thought, he took everything and everyone away from me, I wont let him do that again, this time she was going to put him in jail for good or die trying. Her confidence returned and once more she Alexandra Cabot no longer Emily Jones.

Alexandra Cabot allowed herself to let in a dream, part of her mind thought it was impossible to dream well she was awake but she quickly cast away that thought. Then the dream came.

_She was at the same beach again, sitting on a cliff with a field that seemed to stretch forever behind her. She began to walk into the water_ _this time she wasn't alone, there was a giant cruise ship headed towards the lights in the distance, she could see Bethany on the deck, with someone else both watching the lights in the distance. Alex could also see dark figures and shadows inside the ship through the many windows._

_She began to swim the water was cold against her, but she didn't mind something told her that she had to reach the lights before the cruise ship did._

_Eventually she found herself beside her body yet again, the same blue eyes stared lifelessly at the sky, the head occasionally bobbing underwater, but this time the hair was brown. _

"_Emily…no yes I mean because I am Alexandra Cabot." She whispered, "But I'm not going to leave anything behind this time…you are a part of me now." She grabbed 'Emily's' hand and began to try and swim again to the lights; the ship was too far ahead of her now…it was too late. _

_Then when her hopes of getting to the lights before the ship were gone, Alex saw the ship didn't appear to be moving and soon she found herself side by side with the ship. Why had it stopped, she thought. Then she saw on the deck Bethany and another faceless figure were there, Bethany appeared to be smiling, but she didn't stop she knew she had to keep going._

Suddenly Alex recalled she was still on the roller costar, Olivia was talking to her, "Uh hey you in there? C'mon the rides over…."

"Oh uh yeah sorry." She said then a slight smile spread across her face, "Come on lets go shopping."

"Oh you're finally ready for some fun then?" Olivia asked in a somewhat mocking voice, "Hey don't worry I wont scare you by _smiling _again."

"You didn't scare me… you should smile more…" Alex said to her best friend, "Anyways come on lets go celebrate my freedom."

Authors note: Okay well you know the usual R&R oh and I was at and I found out that the actress who plays Olivia: Mariska Hargitay is pregnant. Okay this may not come has something new to you but I only just found out… so yeah! But I wonder since she's pregnant will she still be able to act on SVU or will she like stop for… a while. And um i'm gonna make the rating T just for safety.


	11. What if WPP found out?

Disclaimer: Law and order SVU and all of its characters do not belong to me, they belong to Dick Wolf, but I do own the characters I make up.

"So how exactly do you plan to get on the cruise ship?" Tabitha questioned.

"I uh we could just kinda run on well no one was looking…" Bethany said immediately feeling foolish and wishing she had a real plane.

"You've gotta be kidding me, please tell me you have a better plan than that."

"Uh well I don't and unfortunately we'll have to go wit my plan unless you have a better one."

"Very well, alls I'm saying is I don't think it'll work, there'll be guards making sure you have an invitation."

"Listen we'll worry about that when we get there but for now lets focus on arriving on time."

"It's only 6:30! The cruise doesn't leave tell 8:00!"

Bethany ran her hands through her long brown hair. Tabitha was being annoying but she was probably right, only Bethany wouldn't admit to that. "Whatever stop complaining lets go, you're wasting time!"

They were walking in silence for a half hour before they finally reached the dock where Velez's cruise ship was located. The cruise ship wasn't huge but still it wasn't exactly tiny either. There was a man in a black suit guarding the entrance, the man was rather intimidating, he had broad shoulders and even his neck had muscles.

"Okay great we don't even have to get on the ship to get Velez arrested, we'll be the victims, great well c'mon Bethy lets go get ourselves killed shall we?"

"Hey you don't have to come, so stop complaining."

"Oh but I do want to go, all I'm saying is that you have no plan whatsoever."

"Gee that's great but why don't you shut up now?"

"Because."

Bethany rolled her eyes then her gaze returned to the cruise ship, "Lets go talk to the guard…" she said trailing off.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"So Huang obviously didn't think that Alex was lying." Fin said to Munch.

"I'm not so sure…I have this theory-" Munch began but was cut off by Fin.

"Yeah okay I don't want to here another one of conspiracy theories, besides I know for a fact that Alex would never lie to us."

"But that's just it, is she still really Alex?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot and Cragen were forced to work on a case together because Olivia had chosen to take the day off.

"So remind me why 'Liv isn't here again?" Elliot asked Cragen as they approached Warner who was kneeling over the body of their latest victim.

"Okay so fill us in." Cragen said to Warner ignoring Elliot's question.

"Young teenaged girl, stabbed multiple times in the stomach, there's some vaginal trauma, suggesting that she was rapped." Warner explained.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex stopped to look at a dress in a shop window. It was beautiful, it was a crimson red color, Alex would buy it but it was way too expensive. Olivia was looking at some suits over in the next store so Alex went to join her.

At first she couldn't spot Olivia but then she saw her walk out of a dressing room.

"Why don't you try a suit with a skirt instead of pants? It would be an interesting change." Alex said.

"Not in this lifetime."

Alex chuckled, "Ah well I didn't think you'd say yes anyways."

Olivia pulled out a red leather jacket from a rack, "What do you think of this one?"

"Try it on." Alex replied smiling. Deep inside every moment spent lying to Olivia was killing the former ADA but she remand smiling, now was not the time to dwell on her lie.

Olivia slipped the jacket on, "What do you think?"

"Buy it." Alex said grinning ear to ear.

"You really think I should?"

"Yes why is it expensive?"

"Fine I'll buy it."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot and Cragen returned to the precinct, the victim didn't appear to have some of her attackers DNA on her but after carefully inspecting the aria in which she was found they found a bloody knife with finger prints on it.

"So you guys find anything?" Fin questioned upon seeing Elliot enter the precinct.

"Yeah bloody knife with finger prints on it."

"What about the vic'?"

"Young teenaged girl who appears to have been rapped and was stabbed multiple times in the stomach."

"K, so where's Cragen?"

"He's out getting coffee." Elliot said as he sat down at his desk.

"Hey Elliot me and Fin were discussing Alex." Munch said joining in on the conversation.

"That's nice." Elliot said rubbing his eyes.

"We're wondering if she was really let out of witness protection, I mean her story seems a little suspicious especially considering the fact that Velez is still running free." Munch said.

"Yeah I know but I still want to trust her." Elliot muttered his eyes half closed, it was obvious that he hadn't slept in days.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey sir um me and my friend here were wondering who owns the cruise ship that you're guarding." Bethany said smiling up at the man guarding the cruise ship.

The man didn't answer and just stood there has if waiting for something to happen.

"Sir?"

"Go away kids this ain't a safe place for little girls like you." The man said finally responding.

"Eh? And why's that?" Tabitha questioned.

"A very powerful man owns this ship."

"And his name would be?"

"Listen kiddies I thought I said to leave, unless you want me to call your mommies."

"Okay listen we know this guys name is Velez, and we know all about the bad deeds he's done." Bethany said looking up confidently at the man, " We wanna get on this here ship."

"listen kiddies, I know you're probably trying to frame Velez for something, you're not the only ones who've tried, people much older and stronger than you have failed to get Velez arrested and the consequences have been…bad."

Bethany could tell that something was a little…off about this guy, "You don't seem to be on Velez's side… who exactly are you?" she questioned.

"You're right I'm not on Velez's side kid. But anyways please go."

A thought suddenly came to Bethany, "You're undercover aren't you? You're a cop!"

"Haha smart kid, so why don't you go a let me take care of things here? There was a story in the paper a few years ago about an ADA, she tried to arrest Velez and ended up being killed after being shot at from somebody in a car." The undercover cop said, "I didn't know this ADA personally but she was a smart gal, and if Velez could kill her he can easily get ride of the two of you."

"Please sir…"

"I cant now get out of here it's dangerous enough that I've told you kids that I'm a cop, it would blow my cover if I let two kids on the cruise ship."

"PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE!" The girls said in unison.

The guy rolled his eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXX

After Olivia had purchased the jacket she went with Alex to a store dedicated solely to purses, Alex bought a little black purse, will I be able to keep this? She asked herself, witness protection would notice if I came back with a new purse purchase from a New York City mall, then they'd find out about her escape to the city and she'd be arrested. Besides what about Olivia and the others, would they also be arrested for talking with Alex?

_Authors note: Okay please review constructive criticism is welcome. I'm not going to update unless I get at least three reviews, doesn't matter who their from so long as I get them. I'm doing this so I can be sure that there are still some people interested in this fanfic, if no ones reading it then it wouldn't be worth writing, besides reviews are my favorite part of writing fanfiction._


	12. Lights will guide you home

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters, they belong to dick wolf, I do however own any characters that I make up, and also the song 'Fix You' belongs to coldplay.

By the end of the day Alex and Olivia left the mall each with giant shopping bags and empty pockets.

"I'm so glad you're back Alex."

"Yeah-yeah me too…it's nice to see everyone again, I missed you all so much." Alex said trying to sound natural as if nothing was wrong, as if she weren't lying to her best friend. When she had been in the changing room Alex had noticed some of her old blonde hair was starting to grow back, though it wasn't noticeable yet. She wondered, could she one day just walk back into her old life? Without lying to her friends?

"You're really quiet, you okay?" Olivia asked after they had been walking in silence for fifteen minutes.

"No-no I'm a horrible person."

"What? No you're not…"

Alex was silent for a few moments she knew that now was the time to tell Olivia the truth, now was the time to see the look of hurt and anger on her best friends face, "Listen 'Liv…I'm so sorry for everything…all I wanted was to say goodbye, I hope you forgive me."

"Forgive you for what?"

"For lying to you…for deceiving you…you my best friend."

"Alex what are you talking about?"

"Please forgive me… I'm not Alex I'm Emily Jones and I wasn't let out of witness protection-actually I'm here talking to you illegally."

Olivia stopped walking; her face was blank showing no emotion as usual, "But why?"

"I missed you all so much-please understand that I did this to simply see my friends again-please one day if this mess is ever over please forgive me. Good bye." She said tears falling freely from her face. She dropped her shopping bags on the ground and ran, leaving Olivia alone to face the stares of the passers by.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Listen mister why don't you tell Velez we're your nieces?"

"I could but that could lead to you getting hurt and that's not something I want to feel guilty for."

"Please… Listen t'morrows my birth day, I'll be thirteen, lets just count this as an early birth day present?"

"God I have no idea why I'm doing this…" The guy muttered to himself, "Fine get on now and hide. And remember if you're found I'm not gonna protect you."

"Thanks." Bethany said happy that everything was going well so far.

"Well that was…easy." Tabitha said after they had gotten inside.

"See, you should always trust my plans."

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day at the precinct:

"Hey 'Liv what's the matter? You don't look so well…" Elliot said in a concerned voice.

"Nothing-I'm just tired."

Casey walked in carrying a few cups of coffee, "Here, take some coffee before Munch notices you aren't drinking the coffee he made. I saw him at the coffee machine and went straight to starbucks."

XXXXXXXX

The previous night on the cruise ship:

"Quickly lets hide."

"Great idea lets hide now so we can be stuck underneath a coffee table for the next hour, sounds like fun."

"Oh quit it wit' the sarcasm Tab'" Bethany said wishing she hadn't brought Tabitha along with her, why is she here anyways? She thought glaring at Tabitha, she has nothing to do with Alex.

"Fine-fine. So you wanna hide under the green or the blue table?"

Bethany sighed and looked around the room, she knew she'd need a good hiding place that she could easily get out of to search for evidence. Everything looked clean and polished; there wasn't a spec of dust on the hard wood floor, nor a smudge on the windows.

"So by the way if we do find any evidence then how do explain being on the cruise ship-I mean we are kind of trespassing."

"Easy, we don't-we just tell that undercover cop guy."

"O yeah…good plan."

"Ok lets hide in that closet."

"What if someone goes in the closet?"

"Then we're screwed."

"Ah Bethy, you're still twelve but sounding more and more like a teenager every day-just think tomorrow you'll be thirteen."

XXXXXXXX

She had left Olivia alone and hurt but she had done what she'd come to do-she had said good-bye. It was as if a weight had been lifted off her chest and she was free. She was back at Bethany's cottage, Bethany's mother; May was nowhere to be seen.

Alex decided to turn on the radio; she needed some music to clear her mind. Fix you by coldplay started to play:

When you try your best but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want but not what you need  
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep   
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
And you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

Tears streaming, down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears streaming down your face  
And I..

Tears streaming, down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears streaming down your face  
And I..

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you.

"Those lights in my dreams…let them guide me home…I wanna go home so badly." The former ADA muttered to herself, tears streaming down her face, "God I love this song."

XXXXXXXXX

"Oww stop touching me!"

"It's kinda hard when you're cramped in a closet." Tabitha complained.

"Whatever, shut up, I here somebody."

Even though they couldn't see anything the two friends could tell there were people coming onto the cruise ship. "Well I'm having _fun_ what about you?" Tabitha asked sarcastically.

XXXXXXXXX

(Once again this part takes place a day after the parts with beth and alex.)

Olivia hated how Casey always had the worst timing, right when she was mourning over the lose of her best friend the ADA who had replaced Alex had to come in offering coffee.

"You sure you're okay 'Liv?" Elliot asked taking a sip of his coffee.

"No."

XXXXXXXXX

"Hello there Alex dear, are you okay?" May asked upon returning to the cottage.

"I've been better."

"Listen dear would you care to chat with an old woman?"

"Sure, I'll talk." Alex said hopping to get her mind off the pain.

"I'm forty-seven."

"You're not that old really…" Alex remarked.

"Me being a mother what I'm about to say will sound horrible but… I don't love Bethany. I mean she was a mistake."

"She's a lovely little girl."

"She's the daughter of a man whom I hated who's dead."

"Please just give her a chance May."

"She hates me too, I can feel it when she looks at me. She's her father, not one cell of her is me. I've tried to love her but I can't."

"May, where is this going?"

"I want you to be her legal guardian, she cares about you, that way she could stay with you… Listen I know it's a lot to ask but…"

"I cant… a few years ago I would have been able to but under certain circumstances I cant…I'm sorry."

"Oh…it's okay dear, I was getting ahead of myself, now tell me why you were crying when I came in."

"I miss my old life…I can't tell you much… but I suppose you could say that I'm on the run from somebody."

"The police?"

"No… a murderer…"

XXXXXXXXXXX

Authors note: Okay tell me what you think, I won't update unless I get at least four more reviews, I'm doing this because I'm worried that no ones reading this fanfic anymore. But uh anyways you know the usual constructive criticism is welcome and stuff.


	13. The Diary

Quote: The wheel goes round and round, some are up and some are on the down, and still the wheel goes round. -**Josephine Pollard** 1843-1892, American Poet

Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters they belong to Dick Wolf I do however own the characters that I make up.

"Taby do you think it's safe to get out yet?"

"Well, were on board the ship of a murderer and drug dealer so I'd have to say no-no it's not safe." Tabitha said sarcastically.

"Gee aren't you ms. Helpful?" Bethany said feeling once again rather annoyed with Tabitha.

"Well c'mon how am I supposed to know if it's safe or not?"

"Well maybe you could look through the crack in the door and see if anyone's looking."

"Good point."

XXXXXXXXX

_What have I done? How could I do this to the people I care about?_

The former ADA lay silently on the couch, May had gone off somewhere and Alex was once again alone with no one but her troubled thoughts to talk to. Her mind constantly wandered to her former co-workers, had Olivia told them yet? Or had they already known?

May had gone off saying there was something she had to take care of and that she was sorry to see Alex feeling bad. _What a pitiful excuse to get away from me,_ Alex thought bitterly even though truthfully she did want some alone time.

She tried to cry but no tears came forth, she felt sick with guilt. She sat up and put her head in her hands and sighed. What the hell had she become? Nothing of the former ADA remained; she was drained of energy and the will to go on.

For now she decided she'd just lie on this couch and let time go on around her. Without Alex people would go on as they had for the past few years. Tonight or maybe tomorrow she'd return to her house in witness protection and pretend that Alexandra Cabot had never existed.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Bear in mind that the parts with Olivia and the others from the precinct take place the next day after the ones with Bethany and Alex. Eventually Bethany and Alex's parts will catch up to Olivia's and the others from the precincts parts.)

"So 'Liv where were you yesterday?" Fin questioned.

"Shopping with Emily." She responded in a level calm sounding voice.

Fin gave her a questioning look but didn't ask any more questions.

"Emily…? What do you mean? Are you talking about…Alex?" Elliot asked joining in on the conversation.

Olivia nodded her head slowly, "Yeah she lied to me…well us I mean."

Elliot turned to Fin and Munch, no one seemed surprised by this news, "Well…" Munch began, "Let's face it, why would witness protection let Alex go free when Velez is still running around killing people?" Olivia shot Munch a dark look then returned to what she had been doing prier to their conversation.

XXXXXXXXX

"Is it safe to go out?"

"Well no but let's go out anyways since no ones looking."

Bethany tried to hide the fear in her voice but failed miserably unable to keep her calm, "Y-y-yeah lets go get some-some-some evidence haha you-you know?"

"Yoh chill Beth, you know the old saying I live by?"

"Yeah-yeah of course-_One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do.-Henry Ford,_ I've heard you repeat it many-many times." Bethany said feeling sick to her stomach with dread.

"The point is you can do this-now c'mon lets hurry and get our evidence well no ones looking."

XXXXXXXXX

I'll live my life as Emily Jones and except my fate, Alex thought, I'll pretend that I was never Alex and I'll live peacefully and happily. I'll get married even someday and maybe-maybe have children. And I'll miss being Alex for the rest of my life…

XXXXXXXXX

"Okay now run!" Tabitha said and both girls got out of the closet and ran into a different room.

Bethany looked around her searching for anything that looked suspicious. There was nothing there but a bookcase, lamp, desk, couch and an expensive looking carpet.

Tabitha muttered something underneath her breath.

"What?"

"Never mind."

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia went into cop-mod leaving Elliot wondering if she was okay or not. Elliot decided that it was best to leave her be, eventually he knew she'd be okay-she was strong and wouldn't let this damage her, he reassured himself.

XXXXXXXXX

It's been a few hours, where's May? Alex wondered, she'd said she wouldn't be gone long. Well whatever, Alex decided, I'm going to go outside and get some fresh air.

The fine-hairs on the back of her neck began to prickle as soon as she walked outside. Alex immediately knew something was wrong, perhaps her senses from her former days as Alexandra Cabot had remained, the same senses that told her she was about to walk into a bad situation, the same senses that had told her when someone was guilty and when death was in the air.

In front of the cottage there was a large tree of some sort. Alex's eyes darted to the tree where on one of the branches something was hanging. She knew immediately that that something was a someone and she knew who that someone was. "May." She whispered before dashing over to the tree.

May's body hung limp, she had hung herself, Alex knew that May was dead but checked for a pulse anyways. Of course there was no pulse May had been like that for hours and was past saving. All the veins around May's neck had burst near where the cord, which she had hung herself with, was.

Alex's hands instinctively moved for her cell phone and dialed 911, "Hello what's you're problem?" A young male voice asked on the other side of the receiver.

"Someone die…uh-uh a lady hung herself please come help."

XXXXXXXXX

"Hey look at this…" Bethany muttered holding out a book she'd just taking from the bookcase.

"Hunh? Is that a journal?"

Bethany smiled slightly, "It's Velez's journal."

"Are you sure we should be reading this?"

"YES, c'mon it's Velez's diary, there's bound to be something we can use against him in here, besides there's no law against reading."

XXXXXXXX

Alex stared blankly at May's lifeless body until she heard sirens. A man in a uniform asked her to move and she obliged without saying a word as May's body was sealed up in a white bag and carried away.

This is why she wanted me to be Bethany's guardian, she thought, now what?

XXXXXXXXX

Most of the diary was uneventful, but the girls nonetheless had fun reading it and sniggering at the depictions of Velez's girl friends. They hide behind the couch in case anyone was to come in, even though truthfully the couch wouldn't really hide them for long.

After they had been reading the diary for at least a half-hour Bethany had already giving up hope of it holding any information about Velez murdering someone. "Lookie here." Tabitha muttered pointing to a particular sentence.

That bitch, she stole money from me, I'll get Trumen to kill her for her deeds. How dare she pretend to only want to have sex and then well I sleep take my wallet, women eh, figures I've got to put them in they're place.

"Does it say the name of the girl?" Bethany questioned.

"I think he's referring to a Jody Prout mentioned in the entry written just before this one."

"How many more entries are there?"

"Two."

Trumen says he's taking care of that bitch Jody for me and of course my wallet is now returned, well I suppose I could of lived without my wallet for a while it's not the only place where I keep my money…

"Jody Prout…well here's solid evidence…I think…still I wonder how the police missed this journal last time."

"They might no have even been looking on this boat after all Velez does have a few cruise ships right?"

_I cant believe it I don't know why or how but that bitch Cabot is still alive, I saw her eaten lunch with detective Benson, it doesn't make any sense the newspaper said Alex had been killed…I thought I'd gotten rid of her for good, well anyways it doesn't matter how she lived she'll be dead by tomorrow I've already got Trumen stalking her._

"Bethy? It's okay well get Velez before he does anything to Alex." Tabitha said immediately after she finished reading the entry. She could see worry forming on Bethany's face.

"It's too late, even if we get Velez, this Trumen guy is still out there…besides we wont even be able to get of this ship tell tomorrow and I don't even know how well get off without being noticed…" Bethany said, this is it for Alex…she thought, I've failed her and now Alex the one who saved me in my time of need is going to be killed…I wish there was something more I could do…

"Tomorrow? I didn't know this cruise was that long I thought it was just a party!"

"Yeah well surprise, were sleeping here tonight." Bethany said, a hint of something like anger or possible bitterness in her voice.

XXXXXXXX

Authors note: well that's it for now, I'll update when I get three more reviews. Please-please even if you've reviewed a million times already review again so I can know that people are still interested in this story. I don't mind constructive criticism as long as it's constructive so please just review and tell me what you think!

And I hope y'all saw May's death coming I mean it evident that she was depressed, and yes it was suicide not murder.

Do you guys think that I should make Olivia and Alex have more than friendship or just leave it the way it is? If you guys really don't want them to date then I wont make them, it's just that in one of the reviews I got someone asked if I was gonna make Alex and Liv a thing so yeah I'm just wondering if you guys would like that so yeah…


	14. The Shadowy Figure

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and order SVU or any of its characters, they belong to Dick Wolf. I do however own any characters that I make up.

Quote: Right next door or miles apart, friends are always close in heart. -Unknown

"Miss. McClatchy's daughter will have to be informed of her mother's…suicide." A young man who was with the paramedics informed Alex, "Do you know where we could find the child?"

"I'm sorry that I can't be of any help, I don't know where the child is, I called the house of the kid she was staying with and the mom said that the two girls had gone out." Alex said her voice now devoid of emotion; it was like she'd become separate from the rest of the world.

"I'm sorry miss. It's always a horrible ordeal with someone takes their own life."

XXXXXXXXX

"Beth c'mon we'll save this Alex chicka on time."

"I doubt that…"

"Listen I just thought of something…we needa get off this here ship soon right?"

"No shit."

Tabitha simply rolled her eyes at this last comment, "Well the cruise-ship is bound to have a fire alarm and if we pull it then the ship will haveta go to shore then we can get out hidden with crowd."

A small smile escaped Bethany's lips, "Great. One thing though…you remember last time a pulled that fire alarm at the school?"

"Oh right…it spread ink all over you…you don't think the fire alarm here will be like that do you?"

Bethany thought for a moment trying to think of a way to pull the alarm without being caught. The fire alarm was just beside the door, it was then that she noticed a ruler on the desk, "I have an idea," she began, "Lets use the ruler, it should work right?"

XXXXXXXXXX

What am I supposed to do? The former ADA questioned herself, where do I sleep, I certainly can't go back into May's cottage…what about Bethany?

"Miss?" A police officer asked interrupting her thoughts, "Can I get you to come with me?"

"What-why?" Alex said, suddenly worried, all they had to do was ask her name and she'd be in trouble, witness protection would find out.

"Just so we can ask you about Miss. McClatchy's behavior and moods."

"I've only known her for a week or two…All I can say is she seemed quiet."

"I see well, if you could find her daughter that'd be great."

She was sitting on the ground hugging her knees, "I'll try calling around for her." She said sighing and getting up going back into the cottage. She hadn't known May but what would lead her to kill herself? A feeling of guilt began to sweep through her Alex Cabot would have noticed that May was depressed, she thought, Alex Cabot would have realized that something was wrong before it was too late.

Her thoughts momentarily shifted to Olivia a former best friend and the look of hurt on her face when Alex told her the truth, would Alex's other colleagues share those same hurt looks when Olivia told them?

Finding Bethany is what's important now, she reminded herself, she couldn't let Bethany down as well.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Bethany attempted to pull the fire alarm with the ruler but was having difficulty Tabitha of course didn't do much except throw in a few sarcastic comments here and there. Tabitha was always the overly sarcastic one, most people got tired of her sarcasm after awhile but Bethany knew that on some level Tabitha was an intelligent and resourceful person who was always there for you if you needed her. Bethany in truth was frightened of not having her around anymore when she went back home. She knew was lucky for having a cottage so close to the city.

Still Tabitha was someone that people noticed, Bethany on the other hand was usually quiet around people, no one knew much about her personality not even Tabitha. She often wondered if she hadn't been nearly shot and killed as a child would she have turned out the same way? Or would she be an out-going and happy kid just like all the other children her age?

She'd seen a lot for a kid her age, she'd seen her mother being abused by a boy-friend and looked into the face of madness as she had a gun pointed at her not to mention when she was five seeing her babysitter be run over by a car (the babysitter did however live but had two crushed legs). Bethany was just a kid she shouldn't have seen all those horrible things it wasn't fair.

"Uh Beth, you gonna pull the alarm or what?" Tabitha said breaking her chain of thought.

"You do it." She muttered, her mind once again lost in thought. Who am I? She asked herself, oh that's right a shy, frightened, and cynical little girl. Just think I had to do a background check on Alex before I could trust her, Bethany remembered.

Just then Tabitha succeeded with pulling the fire alarm, ink of course came gushing out but missed her, "C'mon quick Beth! Run! Don't worry I've got the diary!"

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alex looked about the cottage hopping to find some clue as to where Bethany would go, but of course Bethany didn't leave any notes to her mother, who never seemed to care when Bethany vanished, maybe it's true what May said, Alex thought, maybe she really doesn't love her daughter.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Listen 'Liv I know this whole Alex lying to you thing is hurting you, even if you're in cop-mod so why don't we just talk 'K?"

"I'm fine Elliot and I'm not in cop-mod. Besides Alex is just a former colleague. I'll live."

Elliot rubbed his eyes, annoyed with his partners resistance, "Well whatever I'm here if you ever feel like talking."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"I can't believe that worked." Tabitha said as they stood with many other people on a dock.

"Yeah whatever lets find that cop guy."

"Do you think he's still around I mean all he did was guard the dock right he might have left before the boat took off."

"Even if he isn't here he'll still guard the boat again when it returns to the dock tomorrow."

"Yeah…hey Beth you don't think they'd look for finger-prints with the whole stolen diary fire alarm being pulled thing do you?"

"Yeah but they'll never see us save for this moment on the dock."

XXXXXXXXX

A car was driving to the cottage a shadowy figure steering the wheel. It frightened the man when he saw the ambulance a police cars swarming the cottage, they couldn't possible know that he was an assassin, even if the cops did know that they wouldn't be able to know he was going to murder someone at that cottage on that night. He drove around the neighborhood and asked a few people if they knew what was going on. The first five people he asked had no idea but he struck luck with the sixth.

"Yeah this lady committed suicide."

The man wondered weather it was the same woman he'd been sent to kill but decided to check later that night to see if anyone was around the cottage, after all the woman who had committed suicide and his victim might not have been the same person.

XXXXXXXXXX

Author's note: Okay that's it for now tell me all your suggestions and weather or not you think I should update! I'll update as soon as I get three more reviews.


	15. NightyNight

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters they belong to Dick Wolf. I do however own any characters that I make up and this story line.

Quote: There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day. -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Let's get out of here."

"Yeah…" Tabitha said her voice trailing off.

Running through the city. We have to get away they cant see are faces. Keep running Bethany we'll escape. Bethany you're talking to yourself again, stop it.

"C'mon hurry Tab' we haveta get out of here before anyone sees us."

The girls were racing away from the docks; they'd used a moment of confusing to make their escape. They were faster than usual, why? Was it the adrenaline surging through their veins?

Smiles escaped both of their faces, "Lets save your friend Beth!" Tabitha shouted. People were staring at them but of course they didn't seem to notice…or they just didn't care.

"To the police we go! Hahaha."

XXXXXXX

Something's wrong… Olivia thought as the fine hairs on her neck began to stand on end. Elliot came in and sat directly in front of her. "Liv lets talk."

"Elliot I told you I'm fine!"

"It's not that…it's just do you know where Alex was staying?"

"W-what? No why?"

"Last night a lady committed suicide, police say that there was a brunette with blue eyes at the seen. The brunette was the one who reported it. Only no one knows who this brunette is."

"So?"

"So, later that night at the same cottage where the lady committed suicide there were shots fired and afterwards the brunette was no where to be seen. The lady who killed herself had a daughter, I dunno if the daughter's been found or not."

"Elliot what is this about?"

"Alex. Where is she?"

"I don't know! Why what does Alex have to do with this?"

"Olivia Alex is a brunette with blue eyes! C'mon maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but really!"

"It wasn't her. Besides this cottage wasn't even in New York City!"

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There was a lady there still was she the one he was supposed to kill? I'll get rid of her either way just to be on the safe side, the man thought. His phone suddenly rang.

"Hello?"

"It's me. Have you killed her yet?"

"I've got her in my sights Velez."

"We'll hurry and then get back here. We have a problem somehow somebody broke onto my ship. Most likely a police officer judging by their resourcefulness'."

"Did they take anything?"

"Yes-now hurry and report back to me after you get rid of Cabot. Please make sure she's dead the last person I hired to kill her failed me. I warn you she's a tricky bitch."

XXXXXXXX

"Please miss do you have any idea where your daughter went, she has to be with Bethany. I have to find her…them." Alex asked Tabitha's mother.

"They said something about a boat."

"They must have gone to the docks…but why?

"Please I hope you find them miss, this is just terrible poor Bethany."

She'll be fine, Alex thought before hanging up, this is all so pointless, finding Bethany now what good would it do? I don't even think the kid particularly cared for her mother. But May was her mother, a small voice inside her said, and Bethany will miss her maybe not immediately but someday when she's older she'll wish she still had her mother.

XXXXXXXX

"Where are we going?" Tabitha shouted as they ran.

"Away from the docks for a little while we'll go back tomorrow and give that cop guy the diary so he can take credit for finding it." Bethany explained slowing her pace slightly, "Let's go to my cottage."

"But isn't it far away?"

"Kinda but we'll call a cab."

"Do you have any money to pay the guy?"

"Yes." Bethany responded shortly, slowing down until she was at a walking pace, "Let's call a cab using the payphone over there." She walked towards the payphone and pulled out some change from her pocket.

They waited at least a half hour for the cab to come and pick them up. Bethany's mind wandered, I'll never amount to anything she thought suddenly, Tabitha will but I'm nothing-I'm less than ordinary-it's not fair. All I am is a wimpy-toosmallforherage kid nothing more.

"Hey Beth the cabs here."

XXXXXXXX

How could I let this happen? How could I not see the warning signs that May was depressed? Alex thought.

My world is once again falling apart. Soon witness protection will find out what I've done and I'll be arrested. I'll probably never be aloud to have any human contact again after this, the former ADA thought.

Should I go see if they're at the docks or wait here for them to call? Alex asked herself as she lay on the couch with her face in her hands. Just then she heard the click signaling that the door was opening. Great that must be the kid right now, she thought getting up to go greet them.

"Bethany I'm so sorry honey." She said expecting to see the kid there; instead she was greeted with a gun to the face.

"Nighty-night." A cold venomous voice said.

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Authors note: dun-dun-dun. Okay tell me what you think, when I get three or four reviews I'll update. Sorry the chapters are so short but frankly I'm not gonna make 'em any longer, I don't have enough time to write long chapters with all this school work. Anyways if you want to tell me your ideas for future chapters then go ahead. Honestly I'm making this up as I go along-I mean I have a basic idea of the main events and how it will end but…uh yeah.

And uh-constructive criticism is welcome so long as it's actually constructive. So yeah I'll update so long as I get enough reviews until then toodles.


	16. Courage

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em never will unless Dick Wolf sells Law and Order SVU to me which is highly unlikely…I do however own this story line and any characters that I make up.

Quote: **Marian Wright Edelman** Whoever said anybody has a right to give up?

Fear shot through Alexandra Cabot. The gun was pointed at her face.

"Are you the one they call Cabot?" His voice was cold; each word he said brought new fear to the former ADA.

"Please…don't." was all she could manage to say.

"Your times almost up miss Cabot, any last words?" The man's icy voice asked, his eyes glinting maliciously.

Alex's breathing increased and then driving by panic and adrenaline she ducked quickly and punched the guy in the balls.

The man squinted in pain but made no other motion, "So sorry miss Cabot but you forget that I have a gun and that you stand no chance against me missy."

Alex stared at him and then turned and ran, she heard a shot behind her, the sound was loud and made her ears ring but she ignored it, I have to get out of here, she told herself.

"Good night miss Cabot, don't worry dear, your years of running are over, and you don't have to hide anymore. C'mon missy I'll find you and then your poor tortured soul will finally rest." The man's venomous voice rang out through the silent cottage.

Hidden behind a drawer the former ADA reclaimed her courage, I'll die fighting, she decided, not hiding, "But I want to rest in peace not just rest." She said, "I want my old life back, I want to reclaim my title, I want to return to my loved ones, most of all I want to be Alexandra Cabot."

"There you are." The man said, "So now tell me what are your last words before you die?"

"I was giving a chance-for a few short days to be Alex again-I screwed up in a lot of ways, but I'm happy I did it…because it gave me a perspective over my life…" Alex said slowly, "I used to spend everyday after my shooting planning my own death-now I know better-I wont and cant die! I have a little girl who's mother just committed suicide and she has no one left-I have to live for her, for me, for my friends who want me safe and for keeping Alexandra Cabot's memory alive!" she wondered as she spoke why she was saying this, it sounded like a bad line from a movie.

"Touching but you wont live."

XXXXXXX

"We're almost there…" Bethany said pointing the cab driver in the right direction.

Darkness covered the corners of all the streets and as they drove closer and closer to the cottage it began to rain.

"We're here!"

XXXXXXXX

"LIV! Alex could be in serious danger! You have to help her!"

"IT wasn't her."

XXXXXXXX

"Give up miss Cabot-your time's run thin."

"NO!" She shouted and quickly sprinted from her hiding place to the kitchen. She was drenched in sweat, her hair stuck to her face, she pulled out a butcher knife from a drawer then proceeded to run through the cottage in a desperate attempt to escape.

Thoughts and memories of the night the young blondes life was stolen came back to Alex in waves-she remembered when she was told that she was going into witness protection how it had been more painful than any bullet wound.

She stopped thinking she'd be safe for a moment so she could catch her breath. Suddenly an arm put her in a neck-lock well the other free arm stole the butcher knife from her hands.

"Bye-bye miss Cabot-now you will rest forever more."

It made a swashing noise as the knife impaled her. A familiar memory of darkness swept over the former ADA-but memory was soon to turn to reality once more. "No…" she somehow managed to say through all the pain, she made a desperate attempt to crawl into the next room where a phone lay so she could call 911.

"Not this time miss Cabot-this time you wont escape." came the diabolic voice of her attacker.

There was a loud popping noise as a bullet went straight through Alex's left arm.

A mangled body lay in a pool of blood on the floor tears streaming down the blondes face-a knife piercing her heart. Then everything went black-just before the ADA went out cold she swore that she heard a voice say, "I'm back-I took a taxi."

XXXXXXX

Bethany finished paying the cab driver and looked around her, Tabitha got out of the cab after a moments hesitation.

"Beth…before you moved you had always been so quiet and shy-but now look what we've done!" Tabitha said smiling, "I used to think of you as simply cynical-now I realize what you really are."

"Oh and what's that?"

"Courageous." She stated simply, "Stupid as it may sound I'm proud of you-now c'mon I wanna meet this 'Alex' chick."

Bethany smiled slightly, "Yeah lets go." She said the proceeded to yell as she entered her cottage, "I'm back-I took a taxi."

There was a loud thud that made both girls jump, "Something's wrong!" Tabitha said quickly. They walked to the source of the noise and found a ghastly site. Alex lay curled up in pool of blood on the floor.

"T-T-Taaa-bitha c-call 911 now!"

"Okay check for a pulse I'm gonna be right back!"

She could feel a faint pulse; lightly she tapped Alex's face, "Wake up. Wake up."

Alex's eyes fluttered open, she tried to speak but all that came out was a gagging noise, Bethany's face swam into vision, Get out, she thought, he's still here.

XXXXXXX

"For the last time Elliot I really don't know where Alex is and she never told me where she was staying ok!"

"Liv listen I know this has been a bad day for you but…"

"Shut-up Elliot."

Just then Munch entered the room eyeing Olivia he said, "Shit it isn't her time of month again is it?"

Olivia shot him a dark look, Fin who hadn't been paying much attention to Olivia and Elliot's argument added, "Well it's not normal for her to be this emotional."

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Author's note: So tell me whatcha think! I'll only update if I get three more reviews. Hehehe will Alex live or die? Hehehe…meh anyways tell me if you loved it or hated it-constructive criticism is welcome! PLEASE review!

Also I learned a valuable lesson this weekend, which I'd like to share with everyone. It is, you shouldn't go sledding when there's no snow unless you want a giant bruise on your knee that makes you limp. Hehe.


	17. Heart Attack

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Dislaimer: Yes it's true, I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters they belong to Dick Wolf. I do however own this story line and any characters that I make up.

"Al-Alex!" Bethany cried in desperation. She put one hand to Alex's heart and the other to her shoulder, trying to hold back all the blood, "Please-hang on-please." She muttered.

"The-the ambulance is on the way…" Tabitha said gasping for breath.

"Please help me hold back the blood 'Tab…please."

Tabitha fell to her knees and crawled over to Bethany feeling uncomfortable and unsure of herself but never the less took of her jacket and rapped it around Alex's arm-soaking her hands in the crimson liquid.

Tabitha felt numb and unable to react-was this really happening? Was a woman really dying before her eyes? No, she thought, this is just a game-save the woman and you get the prize? Right?

Bethany on the other hand had tears falling from her eyes blending in with Alex's blood; she knew Alex had little chance of surviving. A small nagging voice at the back of her mind reminded her of Velez's diary-should the worst happen and Alex dies, she thought, at least I can use the diary to put Velez in jail and get _some_ revenge for Alex and no doubt the other victims that Velez must have. "Don't die." She whispered to Alex hopping that Alex could hear her.

"Ah well-well what do we have here?" A male voice said, expecting to see a police officer or a group of people with a stretcher to bring Alex to the ambulance Tabitha turned. Only she realized by the bloody knife in the man's hand that he was Alex's attacker.

"BETH!" She yelled much more loudly than she intended. No, Bethany thought, no wait if we can hold fort until the ambulance gets here we'll be okay. "Bethy…please…he…"

"Hello?" A new voice called. The ambulance and police had arrived.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Elliot. Enough, if I knew anything I'd tell you. Besides I read that article-you're a detective Elliot you should know that the police would be keeping this hush-hush! Their just not telling us everything-whoever that brunette was she's probably at the hospital right now…"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"POLICE! PUT YOU'RE HANDS UP NOW!" Two officers yelled in unison upon seeing the seen-two small girls hunched over a woman's body trying to hold back the blood.

Bethany sighed knowing she was about to be saved-hopefully. Suddenly there were sharp pains shooting up her left arm-had she been shot? Her vision blurred and suddenly she could sense no more.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Doctor. Lirro, the kid's awake." A female voice said, Bethany could hear it but it seemed distant and faded, she opened her eyes and for a moment she thought she'd gone blind then her vision focused and she realized that she was looking up at the ceiling.

"Try moving honey." The same female voice said gently. Bethany turned her neck to the side to see who she was looking at. It was a young female nurse-Bethany narrowed her eyes to read the nametag the nurse was warring, "You're named…Nelly?" The nurse was young-very young maybe only 25 or so. She had her red hair tide back in a tight bun-she was pretty with stunning green eyes.

"Yes. Honey. Dear do you understand what happened to you?"

"Was I shot?"

"No." the nurse said after a brief pose, "Honey you had…a…heart attack-it's incredibly rare in someone your age and size but giving the circumstances…with your mother dying and that woman being shot and stabbed it understandable for you to be under a certain amount of stress-but it's still odd." The nurse said everything a little quickly as if hopping Bethany would somehow find it easier to hear that way.

Bethany stared not understanding, "What was that you said about my mother?" she asked slowly.

The nurse opened her mouth like she was about to speak then closed it and after a moment she said, "Uh you don't know…I mean never mind. Pretend you didn't talk to me okay honey? You had a heart attack you-you have rest."

The nurse leaves before Bethany can say anything to stop her. She lay down helplessly in her hospital bed looking at the ceiling desperately longing for human contact. Eventually the doctor came to see her followed by another man who appeared to be a police officer.

"Bethany Mr. Roberto is a police officer he'd like to have a word with you." The doctor said.

"Okay." She responded weakly.

Officer. Roberto sat down at a chair beside her bed, "Bethany-I'd like to talk with you about the older brunette woman who was shot-do think you can do that?"

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know-she's alive but barely from what I've heard it was lucky you got there when you did, I want you to tell me all you know about the man who shot her."

Bethany thought back to the diary-she couldn't tell the police officer that she had it. "He was erm carrying something-a diary he dropped it and I tried to take it-so did my friend Tabitha…but that was before I saw her-the lady you want to talk to me about on the floor then I forgot about the diary and went to help her-Tabitha called 911 and I guess you know the rest of the story…did you catch the guy?"

"Yes-he's been arrested-we also found that diary that you were talking about-did you somehow read it-flip through the pages, you and your friend?" He asked as he narrowed his eyes slightly.

Bethany knew they must have found her and Tabitha's prints on the inside of the pages but she decided to lie, "No."

"Okay well that's fine. Now once you get out of the hospital your friend Tabitha's mother has decided to take care of you for the time being." He wouldn't tell anyone that he knew the girls had stolen the diary-he couldn't risk Velez going free.

"What about my mother?"

"She…I'm not supposed to tell you this…not me." He took a deep intake of breath, "She committed suicide."

XXXXXXXX

Oceans, faces, humans, people, nature, everything. Everything seems to blend together and now it's as if I'm looking down at my self. Suddenly I realize I'm sleeping and open my eyes.

Alexandra Cabot lat numbly on her hospital bed, suddenly she had an urge to move to go for a run. She attempted to move her fingers but couldn't, all she could do was move her eyes. Where am I? She asked herself, then she realized that she was at the hospital at least that's what she figured because there were many machines and what looked like a heart monitor around her.

Her body wouldn't move no matter what she tried, suddenly she could feel fuzziness all over her body and once again a wave of black swept through her mind.

XXXXXXXXX

Author's note: Okay tell me what you think, the story isn't over and it wont be for a while I don't think because I've got a few more ideas up my sleeve. Hmm should Alex die? I'm not sure if she will or not yet…ah well. Anyways review please and thanks.


	18. Choices

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Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters they belong to Dick Wolf, however I do own any characters that I make up and this story line.

Quote: Choices are the hinges of destiny. Edwin Markham

Author's note: Um this chapter refers to "the door to heaven", if you're not religious well I also suggested that Alex was simply hallucinating (The doctors did give her drugs) in those parts so you know there would be two possibilities (Those possibilities being a)duh she's dying and seeing the whole "white light" thing or b)The doctors gave her some pretty messed up drugs. This way you can decide what she was really seeing so yeah…just so you know…

I see all their faces, they stare at me and they speak without words. Here I am staring at the soul of the world, everything and everyone that ever walked this earth. Here lies the door to heaven.

_There seem to be more gates leading to heaven-other worlds maybe? I wonder with a strange sense of amazement, am I dreaming? Water rushes by my ankles, death seems so much colder than I imagined, but look at the gates they're so inviting and warm._

_I see other shapes they're rushing in and out of the doors some are just standing there like me…watching as life passes them by. A voice inside my head tells if I go through those doors I wont be able to return to my life as Alexandra Cabot._

_I turn around and walk the other way to another door only this one isn't as warm and inviting. I squeeze my eyes shut, you're imagining things Alex, I say to myself, go through these less inviting doors no bad will come to you-you are dreaming the people at the hospital drugged you that's all and this is just one of the effects._

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hello Bethany dear, are you feeling all right?" Tabitha's mother (Kelly) asked.

What a stupid question, Bethany thought, yeah I'm just spectacular, my mother's dead, Alex is dying and I a thirteen year old just suffered from a heart attack, yeah I'm doing great, "Okay…I'm okay."

Kelly stroked Bethany's hair; Bethany always hated it when people touched her hair, like doing that would somehow make everything better.

"You'll be staying with me and Tabitha… at least for a while if you don't want to it's okay."

Bethany didn't answer her mind was wandering off again as it often did. She had hated her mother this in some twisted way this was what she had always wanted yet now things weren't the same. Too bad I cant just avoid the whole having parents thing, Bethany thought but even as she thought this knew it was stupid, I just don't think I wanna live with my best friend, I'd always just be Tabitha's friend never…daughter, she thought, not that I ever have been my mother hated me just as much as I hated her.

"I'll give you some time to think okay dear?"

Bethany nodded "Yes that's fine, I just need some time to think that's all."

XXXXXXX

I watch the seen from above, at least that's what it feels like; the doctors are doing heart surgery on me, Alex. I imagine seeing the outline of a knife coming out of my chest…yes that's right I was stabbed there…

"She's waking up sir, should we give her more drugs?"

"I'm not sure that that would be so wise…any more drugs could seriously harm her and alter the procedure." The lead doctor said although he knew that Alex waking up was bad, it was unlikely that she'd survive.

XXXXXXXX

(Okay now bare in mind that the parts with Olivia and the parts with Bethany and Alex have now caught up and that Olivia's part is no longer a day ahead.)

"'Liv? You ok?" Elliot asked.

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep or maybe she really couldn't hold it back any more but Olivia began to weep, she fell into Elliot's arms. He gave her a tight embrace, she hated that he had to see her cry.

"Liv what's the matter?"

"Everything, my whole life is one big mistake…all those victims we supposedly helped, they're still worse of then before they were victims…and Alex my best friend…friends aren't supposed to get hurt Elliot…but I couldn't help her…" She said between sobs.

"Shhh Liv it's ok…Alex will be fine…everything will be fine."

"After work I'm going to the hospital closest to where that cottage was…I'll see if Alex is there."

XXXXXXX

"I'm hungry 'Tab but all they'll give me is this gross hospital food."

"Eh, why are you complaining to me? It's your fault you had a heart attack."

"Please help me…there's a McDonalds down the street, just you know sneak some food in here wit' you…" Bethany said, "C'mon I know you're joking about he having a heart attack being my own fault thingy…you wanna help me don't you?"

"Nah, last time I helped you we were nearly killed, besides we both know eating McDonalds is basically suicide."

"Pfft you're just being lazy...well can you at least tell me if Alex is okay?"

"They just finished surgery…you'll know soon enough."

XXXXXXX

Here I am back in the river of death looking at the doors to heaven…they must have given me more drugs…this is just my imagination…it's not real…I wanna go back now…back to earth…enough drugs I'll tell the doctors, I don't need them…wake up Alex c'mon…great I never thought I'd be telling myself to wake up…this is pretty sad…well here it goes…now I turn around and walk back to earth, back to my normal mind.

"Alex? Are you awake?"

"Yes…Bethany, why?"

Well you've kind of been asleep for the past two weeks…" Bethany said slowly, "The doctors drugged you to numb the pain…well you were asleep did you dream at all? The doctors said you wouldn't…you almost died, did you see the white light? What's it like in heaven? Is there a heaven? Did you like it there? How have you been lately? What's death like? W-" Bethany was cut short

"Will you shut up kid? Ah so many questions!"

"Oh sorry I got a little carried away…"

"I think it was because of the drugs but maybe I did see the white light..."

"Well I don't really know if I believe in heaven…I was just wondering…"

"I know…what about you-you saved my life I owe you that…how have you been?"

"Well my mother's dead and I had a heart attack…" Bethany said nonchalantly.

"Will you be all right?"

"I dunno…they want me to live with Tabitha and her mother Kelly, but I don't really want to."

Alex thought for a moment before responding, "Before your mother died she asked me if I would be your guardian only with Velez still kicking I can't…I'm sorry"

"Oh Velez got life in prison without parole…thanks to me and Tabitha's hard work only no one knows that."

"Should I even ask what this hard work was?'

"Long story I'll tell you all about it another time."

"Listen If it's okay with you I'd like to be your guardian."

"So long as you're willing to go through tat whole custody thing I'd really like that."

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Author's note: Okay the rest of the story will most likely be purr fluff because I'm thinking of making this story have a sequel 'cause it just makes more sense that way. If however you don't want me to make a sequel I wont, just so you know the sequel would take place ten years later. Originally I planned to not have a sequel but just continue with this story ten years later, but then the title "no time to say good bye" wouldn't really make any sense so yeah that's the only reason I'm making it into two stories.

Anyways please review I don't think I'll update unless I get a few more review. Just so you know there'll probably be at least 2 more chapters before this story is over and then if people want me to I'll make the sequel, so yeah review please.


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